So… As I go through my own metamorphosis (yes, I used a “BIG” word) I am realizing that there is power in sharing – and hearing – stories from others. Which is why I bring to you….Drumroll…#BECOMING. Think of it as Nosi meets everyone else #BECOMING a better version of themselves meets YOU!! This will be dedicated to Bi-monthly guest writing by women and men that are constantly #BECOMING.
#BECOMING: The Endless Journey with “Self”
THANDISISA MAZIBUKO: APRIL, 2019
So excited for you all to read this month’s blog post. Guest writer, Thandisisa Mazibuko shares what #becoming means to her… “Babe, may I write it [from] a feminine perspective… It’s simpler for me [like that]” were her words when I approached her to feature this month… And write she did! This one is dedicated to women and the men who love them!! #thebecomingproject
In a world where we women are drowning in societal mediocrity, it takes utmost courage for one to pursue the often lonely path of birthing the Self. “Becoming” in its essence is a lifetime; a bitter-sweet and often treacherous journey that gives birth to the innate and predestined self unapologetically. It is a fearless tour with the Self were defying the odds becomes inevitable, normality.
Marianne Williamson once said, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be BRILLIANT, GORGEOUS, TALENTED and FABULOUS? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small will not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not in some of us but it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others”
The Enemy of Becoming
This clearly exposes the major barrier to “becoming”… Fear!! Fear of self, fear of coming out, fear of defying the norms, fear of standing out and fear our greatness. I, too, am guilty of this. We women have this excessive need to belong and we will go to great lengths of sacrificing the Self in order to fit in and be approved of. We feel the need to “shrink in,” hide our light. and cover up the dynamite that we are so that people do not feel insecure around us. The ultimate justification being to feel accommodated in the crowd because we are now like everyone. This impedes the birthing and nurturing of the Self.
The Price of “Becoming”
The journey to “Becoming” has a price to be paid which is at times one getting used to being friends with loneliness. It involves embracing your uniqueness as a woman and running away from mediocrity. It comes with an understanding that fitting into a certain group does not always mean you belong there. Women, never sacrifice yourself for the need to of social approval and the need to belong! I know what it means to “shrink in” and suppress all that I am in order to feel accommodated in a social circle. I know what it means to be afraid of going beyond the normal so that I belong somewhere. I know what it means to decide that being “part of the crowd” is more important than being fully you. Thankfully, I have grown to realize that until we let go of compromising the self to feel accommodated we will forever wallow in mediocrity while being tormented by the “labor pains” of the self that wants to come out.
The above does not mean that the journey to becoming cannot be fruitful without one belonging somewhere. It demands one’s vigilance to distinguish toxic and negative people that will drag you down and winners that will see the best in you and make you thrive in who you are. A social “sieve” is one of the most vital ingredients in the path of Becoming. Let go of an “of-no-use” social baggage!
Becoming is Timeless
On another note, as I said earlier, “Becoming” is a timeless journey. One in which two things happen that determine how you perceive yourself and, consequently, how far you will go. The first thing is DISCOVERING the Self and the second is EMBRACING it. Let’s start with the discovering part. In this journey of finding “self”, you will find or make discoveries about yourself. This is timeless! You will discover your strengths, your “can dos”, your unique gifting and talents, you discover purpose and the things that make you swell-up with passion. But, you will also discover your weaknesses, your flaws, your areas of incompetency, YOUR CAN’TS.
Then there is the embracing part. This one comes with understanding two sides of the coin of self and being content with them. This is one weapon that will make becoming, or birthing the self a reachable destination. Let us learn to accept ourselves for who we are. Becoming comes from a clear and undistorted self-concept. Being content with keep YOU sane. It saves you from unnecessary envy and a competitive mindset. That is where the tranquil state of becoming springs up from.
Dear lady, be you unapologetically, enjoy the journey of becoming, realize that the sky is not the limit. You belong to the Maker of the stars so like them, don’t be afraid to shine. Break that limit, explore the universe and conquer the skies!!!!
#BECOMING – ENJAY KHOZA
Njabuliso “Enjay” Khoza: September, 2019
The first #BECOMER is Njabuliso “ENJAY” Khoza. As a poet, Enjay spits fire and writes flames!!! Check out her work on instagram here
There are a lot of things we will do in this lifetime. Some of them pleasant, and exciting and some of them not so much. Some we do accidentally and others intentionally. Becoming, however, remains inevitable. From birth, our parents overlooked the process, well at least as far as we know, they were supposed to. Teaching us right from wrong, what’s appropriate and what isn’t, which road is worth the hustle and which one isn’t, and every other ideal imaginable. So much can be said, on becoming, but one thing for sure is that if you are old enough to read this, then it’s about time you took the rails, and control who you’re becoming, what you’re becoming.
Quick disclaimer, I am not an expert “becomer-er”😏, quite frankly, I’m barely a functional adult. But I’ve realized the power of being honest about where I am, in order to get to where I am going, because it is evident that I’m going somewhere and I’d like to know where that is, God forbid I end up in a place, in a person I dreed. Which is why I had to start somewhere,
step 1: Scary step. Call yourself out on the person that you have found yourself. Question who you are, shake your foundations now while you do not have to, before you encounter a situation that insists on it. This is not a one day step, to be honest, this is a state you must live in. Do you really hate racism? Why Christianity? Why do you use the toilet paper that you use? Question everything that you have inherited, and allow yourself to change your mind after careful consideration. This is the 1st and final step to becoming, simply put, introspection.
I know it often seems like the day we were born our body landed in one place and our purpose or truest self or whatever it is we are in search for was broken into a thousand pieces and scattered all over the world, and the body was tasked with the mandate to run around like a headless chicken trying to find and piece those pieces back together. Before God sent us into this world, he whispered all the things that we are, and not just those we ought to be when we get to earth, but the vigorous journey seems to have wiped our memories clean. And the only things worth piecing together are those lost within ourselves. What we are looking for is not abstract, but is greatly familiar to us, and focusing all that energy on improving personal existence in every moment is how we jog that memory.
Hold it right There, please get me right. When I speak of improving yourself, I’m not even on that St Teressa tip. The noblest course a person can ever pursue in life is that of self-fulfillment. Do not do things that do not resonate from within you. Do not contribute to a course you do not believe in, not until you’ve established who you are, who you want to be, and where you’re going with all this. Putting glitters on a wound makes it pretty, but also spreads the infection. Do not donate to orphans or other vulnerable groups if that is not where your sympathies lie. If you do not like the fact that you don’t sympathize with them, find out why and perhaps you will learn that you would much rather be involved in their empowerment. Do not fall into the pressures of political correctness. Do not smile at people you don’t like, if you don’t like the person that makes you out to be, then get to the root of the problem and address it. Stop with painkillers and start with treatment. From the inside out. So as far as “fake it till you make it” is concerned in this matter, I rule against it, this world needs people with conviction, and to build conviction “address it till you become it”.
Decisions are never final, only consequential, and if you ever find yourself regretting a decision. Pick another one, with consequences more along the lines of what you can live with.
With your patience, I’d like to share where I am with my journey to becoming. After careful consideration, the pros and cons alike, the whole saga, and I’ve decided that I’d like to put all my efforts into preserving my youth. 😒 okay, wait, before you roll your eyes at this cliche, her me out 1st. I want to hold onto my free pass, being exempt from the formalities of the world. Always needing empowerment of some sort in a certain area of expertise, in all areas of expertise. I want to hold on to the feeling that at any point in time I can choose a different path for my life for whatever reason my recklessness sees for. I never want to know better. I’ve seen the people that know better and their lives are a sight for sore eyes.
I have no desire to walk about this world as though I possess some kind of profound wisdom when in fact it is wisdom that possesses me. There is no running away from the knowledge the journey, but I will not worship it, I will acknowledge it’s existence and use it in relevance but I will not be a slave to logic. For the longest time, this has been the enticement of adulthood for me, the ability to command this aura of wisdom and knowledge. The fastest way to close yourself out to something is to possess it. A person who owns a cell phone or 2 has no reason to get another and must simply be satisfied with what they have. I cannot bring myself to be satisfied with what I currently know. I want to die, still not having figured life out, But having explored as much of it as possible.
So to put it less dramatically, I’d like to become young at heart and mind, ever inquisitive and well established yet humble building my convictions from the ground up as opposed to adopting them. Without being ignorant of the less rosy consequential attributes of a questionable sense of loyalty. Nonetheless, at the sight of new information, I have the freedom to change my mind 💁. Although when it comes to becoming, I’m not sure if anyone ever arrived
#Thriving 