So, a bit of consistency, look at God!! It seems like since I posted the ‘gold value medal’ post, you can check that out HERE, I have been forced to think more about how I show up in my relationships. Loss has been putting me in my lane quite a bit but, “all things work together for good” right?
Anyways, let us go back to De Bono and his pages of wisdom, lol. As a young woman in her late 20s, I am in the building stage of my life, in all facets at that. I am “becoming” a professional, trying to find my feet in the field that I love. I am trying to have my NGO grow feet, I am pursuing a master’s degree (two of them simultaneously because ngatsi angititsandzi [translation it seems like I don’t like myself]). I am an employee in my place of work and, I hope, I will be starting a family in the near future. But before that, I am a member of a family and I have friendship circles that keep me sane (and going) in different ways. This speaks to the different kinds of organizations I am actively involved in. Now, I know calling my family an organization sounds a bit robotic but it is what it is (I’d add a shrug emoji here but I don’t know how to do that). The “pages of wisdom” say these matter in what De Bono calls the silver value medal, asking “what matters to that organization?” While I can’t speak to defining this for my work (that’s way above my pay grade), I can for the organizations I establish such as my relationship with my partner, my relationships with friends and my family. The silver value speaks to the “purpose and mission of the unit.” It basically asks one to interrogate the goals behind the unit, the why, and how these goals can be achieved.
“Silver impacts the organization. What matters to the organization? What are our goals as a [unit] and how will a prospective action help us or hinder us in pursuit of these goals?The De Bono Group
What this means for me is this, I need to be honest about the goals (both independently and holistically) for the unit(s) and what role I can play in achieving those goals. It means I need to ask myself, “hey Nosi, what’s the purpose of this? What’s the mission?” I am at a point of questioning every unit I am part of; what my role is in it as well as how my actions can support or hinder achieving the overall goal. Unfortunately, it also means that I am questioning the individuals in those units as well and silently responding to these questions. Yes, I admit, that’s highkey judgegy but I can’t help it. The questioning starts with the most basic unit, my family. At the foundational level, I know what matters the most in my family. I know that loyalty to each other, faith in God, and transparency have always been important. As a unit, these are a priority and I know that, where there is a need, I can always go home with my problem and after we pray about it, we put our heads together to collectively find a way forward. I know that my family is my strongest support system and when I find myself asking, the response is the unit continuously works to achieve its purpose and mission. It leads me to ask the following questions, what is my role in the family? How can I create goals that are aligned with what matters? I have subconsciously asked myself these questions in the past but have been more intentional about interrogating these of late. I look at the times where I have messed up – and I’ve messed up a bit in my adulthood – and how I always recenter because I know what matters in the family “organisation” and how I can position myself to better align with the family values.
It goes into the intimate relationships that I pursue, uthando nkosi Yami! Let’s be honest, it can be easy to dream and plan out what the motive behind being in intimate relationships is – especially when you are single. We think about how it’s about companionship (what does that mean?), about finding a partner to adventure and live your life with. Maybe it’s about coming hope to a “chest”, or knowing that regardless of what happens you’ve got someone who will root for you and choose you. The list is endless. It is so easy to define what matters for your relational unit thinking solely about yourself and not the other person. You can define the purpose – babies – or the mission – we will continually work to make babies. I kid y’all, but you know what I mean. A healthy dose of selfishness is important after all, granted there’s a thin line there. When someone else comes into the picture, however, it can be easy to make an effort to migrate from your selfish “what matters” to accommodate the other. Angitsi kutsiwa compromise-a [translation: they say compromise, isn’t it]. I have noticed that for me anyway, the act of moving away from my personal selfishness often translates to focusing more on what matters to the other rather than what matters to me. To a fault, at that. That’s not it right? Surely it can not be it. So I ask, to myself and to you, how do we find the balance that merges what matters to two individuals in a relationship into what matters to the unit which is that relationship? Are you hearing what I am asking here? How do we create goals and values that reflect both our “cares” to define what matters in our “organisation” of relationshipping? How do we define the purpose and mission of the relationship to the satisfaction of all those involved? How do we show up as the best versions of ourselves, setting and accomplishing individual as well as collective goals to achieve the units vision and mission? I don’t have answers so that’s food for thought.
The silver medal speaks to friendships – the easiest and the hardest units we tend to be in. This is the family we choose for ourselves; the people we share common interests and secrets with; the people we go to, sometimes, with both the family and the relationship drama. How do we establish the purpose of our friendships for ourselves and those we call friends? How do we determine the mission of that friendship? The mission aspect, I feel, tends to be easier because we often compartmentalise our friendships depending on how we met them or where we hang out with them the most. I think, in these units, the “hard” sometimes comes with realising that the friendship is serving different purposes through the same mission. Synergy at its best right? Or a recipe for conflict? Either way, I think it is important to be very reflective in the purpose of the friendships we create, that I create, and learn what to do when those friendships, 1 – are not helping support my purpose for them or 2- have me experience difficulty in defining and walking out in goals that support the friend’s purpose. Kwaze kwaba tough ka adulting.
The silver medal is one that we need to maintain in the organisations we create and/or function in. I’d continue but then you won’t finish reading this blog, it’ll be so long. Think about it, what are the goals of the different organizations you are part of? What are their purpose and mission? On the other hand, think about what your role is and whether your actions are supporting or hindering the achievement of the organization or the unit you are thinking of.
All things said and done… Lord, help us all be part of the construction and not the destruction yati!