#FakeItTillYouMakeIt*

*Or, Excitement over Fear – Faith equations

So I will be Twenty-Five in a Few days!! By few days I mean 10-ish, I’ll be 25 in 10 days (really, it’s 11 but 10 sounds cooler than 11 so yah)!!! I was telling my older sister how I’ve never been this excited about a birthday before and felt kinda weird but it is what it is hey. Go big or go home. I, hopefully, will be this excited about birthdays in the future too but hey, who knows. I have said it before (if you follow me on social media, that’s where I’ve said it – before you start asking me, where Nosi? Where did you say it “not now but before”? hahahah – also that last statement in quotes makes no sense but it is funny to me so I’m keeping it). Anyways, what I’ve said is:

I am looking forward to the best 52 weeks of my life!

I had/have to own my 25th birthday! No, seriously!! I saw myself slowly drifting towards anxiety and depression because “twenty-five is the peak and it’s only downhill from here”; because I always thought I’d be all figured out at this point: Finances, checked… Future husband, checked (future because in my grand 5 year plan he would be in the picture but we would be moving towards that husband place – Oh how we dream)… Dream career, check… That second degree, check… The list goes on and on, we can sit down and talk for the rest. Hahahaaaa. Anyways, I almost reached the (oddly expected) quarter life crisis. So, while I was watching myself watch myself get to that place I decided NO!!! I am not about to be about that life and I am not about to be the stereotypical young adult going through a “darn you social constructs for messing with my mind” place. I decided I would channel those emotions somewhere else so…. Here are some reasons I am excited for the BIG.TWO.FIVE

 

1 – I AM EXCITED FOR A NEW START

Yea, yea… God’s mercies are new every morning, I know… The New Year is for clean starts, I know… Any day is a good day to start again, I KNOW!!! It is more than that though. I believe that I am at some sort of peak. I have an idea of how messed up the world is but I have also seen how beautiful it can be. I have made my childish errors – don’t get me wrong, errors will definitely still be made – and I have learnt lessons from them. I am at what many call the peak of my young adult life (by many I really just mean my mum, or you if you agree).

I am a YOUNG ADULT!!! Goodness gracious!!! No, seriously!!! At 21 you are barely legal, 22 is just a weird age and at 23 and 24 you are figuring out how to put one foot in front of the other but…. At 25!!! Good Lord!! You have made most of the mistakes you’ve made: in love, in friendships, in family, in regards to yourself. Trust me when I say I have ticked off a lot on my “not to do” list that I didn’t realize I had. Hahah… I have failed at love, I have failed at being a good friend, I have messed up at being a good daughter, a good pastor’s kid, a “good” Christian. I have done my fare share of messing up and I am ready to press the refresh* button.

*REFRESH AND NOT RESET BECAUSE I WANT TO KEEP THAT SEARCH HISTORY FOR REFERENCE WHEN I AM GOING THE WRONG WAY. *insert giggling emoji here*

 

2 – I AM EXCITED TO EMBRACE ALONE-NESS

I discovered this year that I love being alone!! I really do!!! I moved into my first “adult” apartment, by myself and goodness gracious!! There is something to be said about getting into your own space – a space that you can mold into whatever you want – and be ALL.THE.WAY.FREE. Like, you can come home and be yourself. You get to make (and break) the rules, you get to define the atmosphere and you get to create something!! You, ALL.YOU!!!

I always thought that I was a lot more on the extroverted side. Assertive, yes, but more chirpy, come-alive-in-the-crowd type. I am slowly learning that rejuvenation happens when I am by myself. I gain my energy that way, my creative side flows and my dreams find a way into my conscious. Alone-ness has allowed me to realize, in my head anyways, dreams I had forgotten about and some that I never knew existed. It has allowed me to create new ones, too. I have seen how small, and big, the world is as I spend time by myself. I am learning what makes me come alive, what gets me excited, what drains me! It is safe to say that I have discovered more about myself in the last few months than I did most of my college life.

 

3 – I AM EXCITED TO DREAM

Y’all, I am realizing the beauty of dreaming with God!! Seriously, looking at hopes and goals, and recognizing that they are possible has set my heart on fire in a way I never thought I’d experience. Sidenote, you are never too old to pursue your dreams. You are never too young either. The universe works in your favor and, once you set your mind to it – and work tirelessly towards it – it will happen.

So, this coming year, I am about to dream my wildest dreams. He says that he cares about the things I care about and I am ready to see if he really meant that. It is sad that we get to a place where we forget the things that brought us excitement when we were younger, the things that we thought would just happen simply because that is what we wanted. Oh, how I pray that I develop the heart of a child (not the mind though, I’ll keep an adult mind. lol).

 

4 – I AM EXCITED TO TRAVEL

If you know me, even a little bit, you know I LOVE, LOVE traveling!!! I haven’t done that enough this year though, so I am doing better next year – they do say do all the traveling while you are young and free right? I am currently at 31/50 in American states and 4/7 in continents and would love to see that increase. I am excited to learn how to create time to travel and explore with a work schedule that doesn’t always allow me to. Hopefully this year we can make it 40/50 in American states and Asia, I am coming for you next.

 

5 – I AM EXCITED TO WALK EVEN DEEPER IN MY PURPOSE

Learning what your purpose is a beautiful thing… Walking in it, now that is amazing and hard at the same time. This year has been a year of revelation in as far as my purpose is concerned. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I still wouldn’t tell you much. I sure would tell you more than I did last year though, so that counts right? Hahaha… The fun thing about purpose is, in my opinion anyways, it is constantly being refined. It is like being at the optometrist and going through the letters, the letters never really change (aside from your optometrist moving to the next one) but your ability to see them does. The different lenses allow you to look and, as the right lens comes into play, you get to seeing the letters or numbers just right.

I am learning that I have to go through the lens selection process. My purpose is unchanging but my viewpoint changes from seeing one angle and then another. I see what I have matured enough to see. The purpose stays the same but my maturity is the lens-selection process. Until I find the right lens, the purpose will be blurry! As someone who wears glasses, I know that the lenses selection process can be both scary and exciting! I refuse to be scared, I choose to be excited.

And that, right there, is pretty much it – the reason I am so excited about twenty-five. I REFUSE TO BE SCARED, I CHOOSE TO BE EXCITED!!! So here’s to an amazing year ahead!!! Let the countdown begin!!!

 

*Disclaimer: 31 Is a guesstimate. I haven’t been too good at keeping track, I just know I celebrated when I made it to 25 – then I stopped counting

#25andfeelingFINE

One thought on “#FakeItTillYouMakeIt*

  1. Hehehehe time sure flies and we should stay excited about it.. Especially dreaming.. Dreams are free but perseverance is worth everything

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s