Disclaimer: Personal blog post ahead.
Confession: Sometimes I question Jesus; I question my faith and I question the reason behind it all. I am glad, though, that Jesus can handle ALL.OF.IT!!! (I had to use multiple exclamation marks there so you know it’s an exclamation statement – I don’t even know if that makes sense. Hahaha). Sometimes, when I go through those phases, I am reminded that He says, “test me in this”. Yes, yes, I know He was talking about a different kind of test but it all involves faith, right?
Spoiler alert: He has proven himself 100% of the time.
Anyways, here goes an excerpt from a letter I wrote to Jesus (insert monkey hiding face emoji here).
I want that… “ooh he just gave me a hug” type of love. The love that gives me goosebumps when I think of you. Oh, no, wait… Butterflies. I want butterflies. Yes, yes, I want that goosebumps AND butterflies when I think of you kind of love.
I want that AGAPE -type business. That, I don’t care what you do for me, to me… I don’t care what you don’t do, even, but I just want to love you, to be loved by you, to please you. I want to serve you with every ounce of my being.
I want that, “running through my mind all day” love. The “all my dreams have your face in them” type of deal… My best dreams with you by my side, my worst dreams with you coming to the rescue.
I want that, “dreams and reality intertwined” kind of love. The “ride or die”, total trust, no fear when I’m with you kind of love.
I want it… But, you gave it to me already!!! I say I want it but I keep looking every other place for it. Every other place but you. (Insert sad face emoji here. haha). I say I want to give it to you but my actions say otherwise.
I say I want you, claiming the love is real… But I am constantly asking, “where are you at though?” I say I trust you, your judgement through the Holy Spirit, your plan and your leadership but I don’t act it.
You tell me you have the best plan for me, I say I ain’t listening. You say you died for me – and you would do it all over again – I tell you to “talk to the hand”.
I want you, I want to love you like you loved me. I want to serve you, no questions asked. You say, “make your desires known to me”. Mine is to know you more.
You say, “delight yourself in me”, I say “teach me how”. Teach me how to walk in faith! Teach me how to love my neighbor and serve like you served. Walk with me…
Walk with me in the valley of the shadow of death… Walk with me in the green pastures. Eat with me at the table you have prepared for me… For US… YOU… ME… US
I want more. I want more… I want more than I’ve had before. Lord, I want so much more!!!
How about that for Monday motivation! My prayer – and hope – is that we are all constantly wanting more…
“As the hart pants and longs for the water brooks, so I pant and long for You, O God.”