Owning IT – thanks Adele

So Adele Just released details on her new album!!! Yes, what?? Those were my thoughts… but yes, yes that. Yeah she did. And I am excited? You think? Nah, actually, more than excited!!!

Ok, so why does that matter so much? Does it really matter? Heck yeah… Here’s the deal, I first started listening to Adele at a period in time when I was doubting myself in so many ways: who I was, what I was doing, whether or not I was worthy of, well, a lot of things. She made me realize for the first time that many of my insecurities were based on society’s perception of me and that I should own it, ALL OF IT!!!

So I started owning “it”, owning me and, yes there have been moments when I really don’t know how I can and yes, there have been so many times where I have absolutely refused to own it because it was just too hard. The cool thing is, ultimately, I’ve had to own “it” all, and the results are beautiful (in my eyes anyways. Haha). So, you see, Adele matters to me, a lot!!!

Ok. Yeah, yeah, what’s that got to do with anything though? Right? Good for me, you think. I am not really saying anything, you think. “It” does not really say anything does it? So what is the point? Well here is the point…

Owning the day of my birth (lol)

I am turning 23 in a few days!! What, what!!! If you know me, you will know I’ve always had some weird ish when it comes to my birthday. I’ve celebrated it way after it has past, I’ve justified not wanting it to be “a thing” in so many ways. There’s always something to it and really, I don’t have an explanation for that. What’s the deal? Ummmm, I’m really not sure… The deal is a lot of things, do you have the time? I ALWAYS know what I don’t want, but not necessarily what I want. This year is different though. I am doing things my way, I am celebrating the way that I want. And it’ll be awesome!!! Watch this space!!!

Owning my mistakes!!

Backtrack… I NEVER make mistakes!!! Woah, such vanity!!! But seriously, part of owning my mistakes has been to realize that mistakes are not mistakes, they are lessons. We often get to a place where we are motivated by our failure rather than our successes. When we fail the first midterm in a semester, the rest of the semester we concentrate on “not wanting to fail again”… When a relationship ends, we focus on “not making the same mistake again” (which, seriously though, if that relationship was a mistake it wouldn’t have lasted as long as it did (even if as long means 2 days. You laugh but I do know people who were in a relationship for two WHOLE days. If something doesn’t work out eventually, it has nothing to do with it being a mistake but everything to do with a change of season – even if it’s a 2 day season, which does exist, ask people who live in Oklahoma).

See where I am getting with that? The truth is, versus motivation to not fail, I should really be so focused on doing well that failure doesn’t even factor in to the thought process. Does that even make sense though? I know, I know, when you think about it, doesn’t motivation to succeed come from the drive to not fail? I guess, but perspective man!!! Perspective!!! Stay with me here.

Here is my perspective: I want to be so focused on success that failure doesn’t even count as failure anymore – that it doesn’t exist. That failure is merely a lesson and a step towards success. I want to take that midterm thinking, not that failure will get me a bad grade but, that success is inevitable. I want to pursue relationships, not thinking that my last one was a mess and a terrible idea, but that my last relationship was a stepping stone, a phase of self-improvement and an betterment of another person’s life, that the next one will find me having improved from that old Nosi from before.

I am owning EVERYTHING!!! I am owning IT!!! “IT” is everything that seems like a mess!!! “IT” is everything that forces me to shed a tear, or countless tears, to mourn!!!! “IT” is all the things that the world thinks of as mistakes, the things that I want to think of as mistakes or failures. “IT” is me: the good, the bad, and the ugly. The self-doubting me, the irrational me, the pessimistic me. In owning “IT” I am making a vow with myself that I will not hold onto love lost or midterms failed, I will not hold on to negativity and below par performances. I vow that I will not hold on to insecurities, apparent and assumed, because trust me those are many, but instead I will fix my eyes on the goal. Positivity will drive me!!! Positivity IS driving me and I plan on fastening my seatbelt and enjoying the ride!! HALLA!!!

“The Steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end”

– Lamentations 3:22

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